I am not one to complain. At least, I don’t think I am. Alright, alright. Let’s leave it at ‘I try not to complain’. But there are some days …
Today is one such day. Today, I ache. Every part of me, in places that I didn’t know could ache, and at a pitch that would remind you – could you hear it – of fingernails on a chalkboard.
Just yesterday, I was thinking how I feel a fraud, thinking my fibromyalgia might be a disability. Then I wake up this morning and I know it can be, especially when I consider that there are those who suffer from it much worse than I do.
So bear with me whilst I take this opportunity to complain a wee bit. I hurt. Damn it, I ache and it is not a happy thing. My legs feel like I ran a marathon without any training. The soles of my feet twinge with each step I take. My hands, to be specific the backs of my hands, feel arthritic. My jaw has that “fresh from the dentist – open wide now” hinge ache. There is, would you believe, a spot on the back of my head that truly hurts today.
Oh, and all that doesn’t take into account the mid-grade headache I’ve had since my eyes opened, reluctantly, this fine morning. I feel tired; on the edge of exhaustion. Everything feels like it takes more effort than I have the strength for. Even reading is a strain as my brain struggles to stay focused.
It is a grey dreary day, chilly with a biting wind. Not quite winter, but it sure as hell ain’t spring! A girl could just weep. The snow isn’t melting today. The sun isn’t shining today. The forecast calls for possible snow flurries.
Bah!
Then I snuggle into the crook of Buffalo’s shoulder and feel his arm close round me. I listen to the rumble of his voice and the thump of his heart as I rest my head on his chest. I take a deep breath, ignore the ache that tweaks down my spine as I do so, and know that life is good.
Tomorrow, I might feel a fraud again. Tonight, I have my true love next to me and my aches are mere annoyances.
I have no complaints.
9 comments:
A fraud you are incapable of being. You're the real deal, the genuine article.
A little complaining isn't a bad thing. If nothing else it grants a small relief. Send it to the universe and maybe it will a benevolent entity will send a balm your way.
oddly, Kat- I was just writing a blog on whether self-indulgence in one's OWN space counts as such? Surely, as your Buffalo points out, each ofus is ALLOWED to bitch and complain once in a while! It somehow helps - as if getting it out in the open, releives the issue itself.
incidentally, I know you guys have covered all points - but have you ever taken glucosimine chondrite? Its VERY good for joints and muscles .. and helps relieve pain and increase flexibility.
There is a song that says somewhere in its lyrics.....
"I don't know why I always laugh at pain, I don't care when I'm dancing in the rain."
After reading this, those words came to mind.
Buff will always take good care of you.
You could not be in safer hands girl!
don't ever think of yourself as a fraud.... my god.. i don't know how you handle it....... honestly i don't!!
so glad you have Buffalo to snuggle into........
(and sorry .. as usual i am a day late and a dollar short )
morningstar (owned by Warren)
I'm still here, Kat....just so you know you you're not forgotten...
BushBaby
Thanks, Bushbaby. I really do appreciate knowing that you read.
I have fibromyalgia too - well they thought it was lupus and I thought I was going to die....so for me fibromyalgia is better. I know exactly how you feel. Every point of pain that you describe is mine too. And believe me, some days I do just want to complain because I am sooooo tired of it. Usually I am a very strong person able to take physical pain. But even I complain....so its okay...there are good things in life to be happy about.
Joyce, I can truly sympathize with the "sooo tired of it" feeling. Who knew that pain could get so old??
I sropped over to your home page and the pain must make dancing even more of a challenge. Or have you found that the discipline of dance helps with the FM?
Yes, there are always good things in life to rejoice in.
Thank you for dropping by and do stop in again.
Kat, didn't Buffalo say early this spring that you were going in for a special treatment that would make the fibromyalgia a lot better? I assume nothing is working as advertized, so it must be time to go back to the cod liver oil, known to help some people.
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